Lessons Newton Taught Us: Pants

Another valuable piece of information we would never have gained without our pup:

Whenever your human puts on pants, you must go smell them. Thoroughly.

Stampyfeet

Stampyfeet is a canine affliction that I only learned of because of my association with Newton.

stampyfeet, noun. A canine neuromuscular disorder in which, due to the return of a dog's owner to its presence, the dog's forepaws rapidly and alternately strike the ground or floor. Usually accompanied by a submissive grin, excited panting, or nearly uncontrolled running about. Also known as stampyfoot or stampyfeets.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Trees

I suppose this one should have been obvious:

You can lead a dog to a tree, but you can't make him pee.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Chase-Wrestle

Another valuable lesson we learned from our pup:

Fetch-tug is a pretty good game, but chase-wrestle is the best.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Tails

Here's more valuable knowledge I would never have acquired without our critter:

I wish I had a tail.

I mean, I could wag it when happy, hang it low when frightened, move it slowly back and forth when uncertain, and chase it when excited. Wouldn't that be great?

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Furniture Exceptions

One of our rules proscribing Newton's behavior:

The dog is allowed on all furniture except the DDR mats.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Goodness

Here's a very simple, but valuable, lesson I learned from our pup:

Dogs are good.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Oral Hygiene

Here's another fun fact I would never have known without Newton's help:

Oral hygiene is its own reward, at least if your toothpaste is poultry-flavored.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: He Who Pees Last

We could have learned this lesson from any dog, I suppose---at least, any male---but we learned it from Newton:

He who pees last, pees best.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Warm and Stinky

Here's another priceless nugget o' wisdom we never would have known without our pup:

Dogs are, apparently, both warm and stinky on the inside.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Shampoo

Here's another bit of wisdom we'd never have come by without our puppy around:

Even if the dog shampoo has a picture of a Westie on the bottle, it's very easy to reach for it in the shower.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Productivity

More wisdom we've never acquired without Newton:

It's very difficult to get any work done with an attention-craving, sock-loving puppy in the house.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Puppies vs. Redemption

Another nugget o' wisdom we learned from our pup:

Puppies are haaarrd. Harder even than redemption.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Simulteneity

Here's another piece of doggy wisdom:

Puppies are a never-ending source of amusement and frustration, often at the same time.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Daylight Saving

Here's another bit o' wisdom Newton's imparted to us:

Dogs, like Hawai'i, do not observe daylight saving time. If you are planning to get an extra hour of sleep on the night we "fall back", forget it.

Lessons Newton Taught Us: Chew Toys

Since acquiring our pup, Alison and I have tried to teach him various things. Things like what his name is---done---to pee in his litter box---mostly there---and not to nip your hands when he gets excited---still working on it. In exchange, we've learned a few things from Newton. Here's the first lesson Newton taught us:

No matter how many chew toys you buy your dog, he will always prefer to chew on something else, preferably something delicate or expensive.