Bowling Ball

This perfectly cromulent phrase is actually a metaphor, though not one of the Darmok variety. It comes, unsurprisingly, from an episode of The Simpsons. I've used it so consistently, that Alison has adopted it as well.

bowling ball, noun phrase. A gift intended more for the enjoyment of the giver than the recipient.

Example: I often worry that a gift I've choose for Alison will turn be a bowling ball, since I'm so interested in or excited about it, but not one has turned out to be.

Weetabix for Spike's Blood

Here's another metaphor I've been using lately, in one form or another:

Weetabix for Spike's blood, metaphor. Any food added to a dish solely for texture.

Sharon at Christmas

Here's yet another Darmok-style metaphor that we use around Team Grondul World Headquarters. This one was inspired by an incident from my mother-in-law's childhood.

Sharon at Christmas, metaphor. Any person who has ruined a surprise for herself.

This metaphor applies not just presents and winter holidays. It also applies, for instance, to spoilers.

Melinda in the Shower

Here's another metaphor brought to you by Alison's former flatmate:

Melinda in the shower, metaphor. Any person who gets so caught up in thinking about other things while performing a mindless task, especially one related to hygiene, that she takes an extremely long time to complete said task.

Squeekers Under the Fridge

Here's another metaphor I've started using after hearing one of Alison's many amusing stories. This metaphor relates to Ashley's pet hamster/gerbil/rodent:

Squeekers under the fridge, metaphor. Any person or animal who is perfectly content where he is and cannot be tempted to move.

Ashley in the Car Seat

Here's a metaphor I developed after hearing stories of my dear sister-in-law's toddlerhood:

Ashley in the car seat, metaphor. Any person who is so uncomfortably warm that she must remove some or all of her clothing, even if restrained in some way.

Newton Stealing a Sock

I came up with this metaphor after hearing tiny thunder in the apartment and then seeing Newton galloping down the hallway with more-than-usual jauntiness.

Newton stealing a sock, metaphor. Any person or animal who is especially excited about an activity because it is forbidden.

Chocolate Meets Peanut Butter

I've been using this metaphor for years. I guess that makes me a corporate shill, since the wording comes straight from an advertising campaign:

two great tastes that taste together, metaphor. Any case of synergy, where the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

A couple of years ago, Nick exposed me to wording more like this, which is what I mostly use now:

chocolate meets peanut butter, metaphor. Any case of two great tastes that taste together.

Andrew Seeking Redemption

While my perfectly cromulent metaphors are generally inspired by Star Trek, this one was inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Andrew seeking redemption, metaphor. Any person working hard to achieve a laudable goal, but also whining about the difficulty of the task.

Brian with the Overhead Projector

Here's another metaphorical situation for you, gentle reader. This one was conceived when one of Alison's professors discovered a simple way to illuminate a recessed blackboard whose own lights had failed.

Brian with the overhead projector, metaphor. Any person who is "quite please with" and surprised at his own cleverness in solving a problem.

Melinda at the Closet Door

Remember the episode of TNG where the Enterprise D encounters a species whose language is incomprehensible, even with the universal translator? Picard discovers that their language is metaphorical, based on references to similar situations in their mythology and history. Over the last few years, I've invented a few of my own phrases for describing situations concisely. Here's one that was inspired by an incident involving Alison's former roommate:

Melinda at the closet door, metaphor. Any person who is unable to turn door knobs, open jars, et cetera, due to her hands being slippery, especially if this inability is brought on by the application too much lotion.