Scream, Expletive, Scream

One of the many internet memes that float about in the subculture of automotive enthusiasts is the video of a race-car driver taking his significant other, his mother, or a celebrity for a lap around a race track. Screaming, swearing, and wild gesturing ensue. Although these videos appear to reinforce the stereotype that women are afraid of driving fast, a few of them are actually pretty funny.

Here's a vid of former Formula One driver Riccardo Patrese taking his rather expressive wife for a spin in a Honda Civic Type-R. It's a street car, and they aren't wearing any safety gear, and, given Mr Patrese's relaxed and subtle smile, I don't think they are going all that fast. Still, Mrs Patrese is moved to offer her husband the traditional Italian gesture of love and respect.

In the below video, Rolex Sports Car series driver João Barbosa* took his bride for a lap in a Dayona Prototype. They are clearly wearing full safety gear (minus her gloves and probably shoes), the vehicle is a race car, and I've read that they reach 185 mph in the video, so Mrs Barbosa probably has a lot more to scream about. And scream she does. Indeed, its sometimes difficult to tell whether the high-pitched wails in the soundtrack emanate from her or the car's gearbox.

* And by the way, how crazy-cool is that first name?

Michael's First Law of TV

Michael's first law of television:

A TV series can support at most one happy couple. More than that, and show degrades into schmaltz.

Introspection: Girl Friends (not Girlfriends)

I've been thinking about college a lot of lately, in part because I've recently re-connected with someone I knew at Rice. I'm reminded that, although my closest 2 or 3 friends were guys, most of my "second-tier" friends and many of my friendly acquaintances were girls. What makes this fact especially interesting---to me, at least---is that I was quite intimidated by women throughout college.

In grad school at Georgia Tech, and during my postdoc at NRL, the population of my peers was predominantly males, so it's difficult to draw any conclusions from my time at those institutions.

At my current workplace, there are decent numbers of both males and females. The men certainly outnumber the women, though, especially on the projects I'm involved with. Still, most of my work friends are women. Meanwhile, I long ago got over any intimidation I once felt, which may be a result of my relationship with Alison; I'm not on the lookout for a romantic relationship.

I can't help but wonder what this gender distribution of my friendships says about me, if anything.

Big Dress

I've learned many things from Alison.  This one I learned during our first dance at our wedding:

Big dress, small steps.

Two Years Ago

Two years ago today:


And I haven't regretted it for a minute.

Ah, the Bachelor Lifestyle 5: Good Thing I was a Single Child

Alison has gone out of town again, this time for a bit of a reunion with her two roommates from Atlanta. Even though the girls have awarded me the honorary title of Fourth Roommate, I remained behind to look after Newton and, more importantly, avoid using up my vacation days. Fortunately, Newton's become a bit easier to single-parent these last few months.

Antiversary

I yoinked this perfectly cromulent word from a friend:

antiversary, noun. The anniversary of the day a marriage or other relationship began, but occurring after the relationship has ended.

For example, if Jack and Diane are married on January 1, 1983, and are divorced in 1998, then January 1, 1999 is their first antiversary.

Ah, the Bachelor Lifestyle 4: Man Stuff

My bride, Alison, has gone out of town for a week to visit family. So, Newton and I are bachelors for the next few days. We plan to do some man stuff together. You know, working on cars, watching sports on TV, objectifying women, and so on. Maybe, if we have time, we'll keep someone down.

No Benign Musings, Though

Todd hasn't posted any screeds or diatribes in over a year. I can't help but notice that he stopped putting new ones up at about the same time he became engaged to his now-wife, Laura. Awww, she must make him happy. Well, not too happy, I guess; he still hasn't posted any benign musings. Still, when I consider the material she had to work with---this is the main I like to call Sarcastro that we're talking about here---I'm amazed at her progress.

Talk about a deal-breaker!

Well, folks, here is a deal-breaker from my perspective.

Michael is a bed-destroyer. That's right....one night of sleeping in a bed and he can totally destroy it. Somehow in his sleep, he manages to untuck the sheet from the foot of the bed, take his pillowcases most of the way off his pillows, kick the comforter completely off the bed, and sometimes he even manages to pull one corner of the fitted sheet off. What does he DO all night? I lie there and sleep, so my covers are mostly in the same place when I'm done. It's like he's working out even at night. Crazy boy...this might be a deal-breaker.

Once Over Easy

I discovered this weekend that Alison likes the yolks in her fried eggs runny. Eww. I seriously think this could be a deal-breaker.

Bedtime Reading

Since Alison and I moved in together, I've noted a rather disconcerting pattern in our daily routines. You see, after we go to bed, I read while Alison reads or solves a crossword, sudoko, or whatever her puzzle-of-the-moment is. That's not the problem; in fact, it's one of my favorite parts of the day. The difficulty is that she is invariable done---and ready to go to sleep---before I'm more than a few paragraphs into the Make article I'm reading. This issue arises partly because she reads at an amazing rate and rips through sudoku like nobody's business, and it arises partly because, in defiance of all widely acknowledged gender stereotypes, she is done getting ready, in bed, and reading before I'm halfway through with whatever apparently overly long bedtime-preparation protocol I follow.

Alison has offered to sleep with the light on while I finish my reading---indeed she has sneakily pretended to read while going to sleep---but I always feel that, since she awakens me when she gets out of bed, I need start sleeping when she does. So, the upshot of all this I'm not getting my bedtime reading done, and I'm not sure what to do about it. After all, my Servo isn't going to read itself. I think this could be a deal-breaker.

Oh, the Shoemanity!

Alison has this habit of not untying her shoes before taking them off. I've tried to convince her that doing so is bad for the shoes, that it stretches the upper and stresses the seams, but she remains unconvinced. It makes me cringe every time she does it, especially when I've loaned her the shoes she's mistreating so. I'm not even sure how she can remove her feet from her shoes when they are still tied; I certainly can't. She must wear her shoes much more loosely than I do.

This could be---say it with me---a deal-breaker.

Ah, the Bachelor Lifestyle 2: Revenge of the Bachelor

Alison has gone out of town again, leaving me to my own devices. Apparently, "my own devices" means "bike, visit the bike shop, buy groceries, clean the house, work on the bikes, watch Family Guy on DVD, bike again, clean the house some more, 'forget' to mow the lawn, and blog."

Can I Get Extra Cilantro on That?

I was recently reminded that Alison dislikes cilantro. She doesn't like cilantro, for crying out loud! I'm afraid this could be a deal-breaker.

Dissipation

Alison's favorite songs by Evanescence---still not a Christian band, by the way---are "Breathe no More*," "Going Under," and "Taking Over Me." Meanwhile, my favorites are "Haunted," "Farther Away," and the band's cover of Korn's "Thoughtless." I don't know; this could be a deal-breaker.

* You could be excused for thinking that "Breathe no More" and "My Last Breath" are the same song, but they aren't. What they are, is evidence that this band is more than a bit goth.

Geeks Get Girls?

I’m a big nerd. Or maybe a big geek; there’s some debate about the difference between the two. Anyway, what I mean is the following:

• I like science and technology. In fact, I have a pair of advanced degrees in engineering.
• I enjoy science fiction and fantasy.
• I have a few technical skills not found in the general populace.
• I use scientific methods and terms in my everyday life and conversation.

These characteristics are not generally associated with being a babe magnet. Thus, you may not be surprised to learn that, despite my mother’s insistence that I’m quite a catch, I’ve never been what you’d call a ladies’ man.

Most of my friends belong to the same category. In fact, if anything, I’m less of a science nerd than they are, because they are all smarter and more productive than I. Imagine my surprise then, as the following events unfolded:

• In early 2005, Ketan announced his engagement to the ever-so-cute Patricia. (I say “announced,” but Ketan never actually told me. After I heard through the grapevine [Patricia-Melinda-Alison-Michael] I called him for an ostensibly ordinary what’s-new-with-you conversation, he made no mention of the big news. I’m still amazed about that. And flummoxed. Can you tell I’m amazed and flummoxed?) A month later, they were married. That’s right: one month. And it was an Indian wedding; in this context “Indian” means “huge.” I think every Indian American on the East Coast was at the reception.
• Brian proposed to Kristan at CLEO in May, and they’ll be wed in June of this year. The fact that Brian proposed at a technical conference should give you some indication of how much of a nerd he is. However, the fact that Kristan was also attending should indicate how perfect a match they are, as should the fact that they have virtually the same job. Their wedding is schedule for June, so it will make a good run-through for my own.
• Just a month or so ago, Todd informed everyone that he and Laura will be wed sometime this fall.

That’s right: including me, 4 former members of my grad-school research group will be married in a period of about 18 months. And 3 of us will be married within a 6-month period. Additionally, two of my science-geek friends, Nick and Greg, were already married when I met them.

What’s the explanation for this? Here are my hypotheses:

• The women in this country have lost their minds.
• There’s something in the water, perhaps placed there as part of some geek conspiracy to get women.
• The rapture is near.
• It’s somehow become hip to be square?

Well, it can’t be either of the first two reasons. You see, in addition to all the marryin’ I mentioned above, Alison’s friends Laura and Kristin each have been or will be married this year. As you might guess by their names, these two, though science nerds in their own rights, are women. I don’t think the third hypothesis is correct, because I’m not a Christian. So, by process of elimination, geek chic is the explanation. As a geek, I say, “Rock on!"

The Girlstore

Alison and I met online, as you may know. However, we first met in person at an Atlanta bookstore that we both used to haunt. Sometimes, when people ask where we met, if I suspect that they will look down on online dating, or if I don't feel like explaining the whole story, I say, "a bookstore." (This answer is true, but not complete.) For this reason, I sometimes refer to Yahoo Personals or other such services as "the bookstore." Doing so can be quite confusing, since we spend a lot of time browsing in and talking about literary retail venues. Alison likes to refer to any online dating service as "the manstore," which is not only less ambiguous, but also, in my opinion, terribly amusing.

Anyway, as a person who likes to browse in bookstores, and has met a few women there, I thought I'd post what I suspect are the worst sections of a bookstore in which a man could make first contact with a woman. Please note that I did not discover these by experience; I'm merely speculating.

• Gay and Lesbian. It should be obvious why this is not a promising scenario for heterosexual flirting. If, however, you are looking for a member of you own sex, then this is the section of the store to do it.
• Pregnancy and Childbirth. Even if she's not married or otherwise attached, your timing is bad.
• Children's Books. Either she has a child (See above.), she is a child, or she's..."simple."

:;---()!...:-)

You may have noticed some differences between Alison's writing style and my own:

I make a lot of use of colons, semi-colons, and---only when necessary---long dashes; I find them very useful. (I also like parentheses.)

Alison, meanwhile, is very free with exclamation marks, ellipses, and even emoticons. Really! I'm not sure why... ;-)

I think this could be a deal-breaker.

Ice and Snow, Silver and Gold

I've recently discovered that Alison's favorite Winter Olympic sports are figure skating and ski jumping. Meanwhile, my own favorites are long-track speedskating---duh!---and cross-country skiing. That's right, two completely different types of skating and two entirely different kinds of skiing. I don't know. I think this may be a deal-breaker.