Junk Mail

Yesterday, we received, in the mail, an envelope with "This Is Not Junk Mail" printed in big letters on the outside. Somehow, that declaration strengthened my belief that it was, indeed, snail spam. Perhaps the senders should rethink their marketing.

Literally

Today's xkcd is focused on one of my many pet peeves.

Bowling Ball

This perfectly cromulent phrase is actually a metaphor, though not one of the Darmok variety. It comes, unsurprisingly, from an episode of The Simpsons. I've used it so consistently, that Alison has adopted it as well.

bowling ball, noun phrase. A gift intended more for the enjoyment of the giver than the recipient.

Example: I often worry that a gift I've choose for Alison will turn be a bowling ball, since I'm so interested in or excited about it, but not one has turned out to be.

$$

Have you been waiting impatiently for my latest language rant?   Well, here it is:

I dont understand why people feel the need to use a dollar sign or a series of dollar signs to stand in for the word "money."   The dollar sign has a specific use:  to denote a currency unit.  It does not represent the concept of money in general.  

Prevenge

Here's a word I've found handy a few times:

prevenge, noun.  Preemptive revenge taken in response to anticipated actions.

Pun Intended

I've noticed that, usually, when someone says "no pun intended," they not only intended the pun, but also only said "no pun intended" to call attention to the pun.

A Dogtionary

One thing I've learned from living with Newton is that dogs have a much wider vocabulary than I had realized. It's not the case that retrievers only bark, hounds just howl, toys only yap, and basenji just yodel. Each dog produces a number of vocalizations based on its mood or the concept it wants to convey. I'm sure each dog has its own dialect, but here's a brief translation of some* of Newton's vocabulary.

• Chuff: There are people outside the door and I'm not sure I like it.
  
• Bark: There are people outside the door, and I don't like it.
• Frustrated grumble. There are people outside the door, and I don't like it, but you've told me to be quiet, so this is all I can get away with saying.
• Sleepy chuff. There are people outside the door, and I'm not sure I like it, but I'm too tired and comfortable to get up and chuff at the door.
  
• Yip. Someone has knocked on the door, and they must be here to play with me, so let them in, let them in!
• Sleepy yip: I'm asleep and dreaming about playing.
  
• Whine: You're boring; play with me.
  
• Agitated whimper: I can see a person or a dog outside the sliding glass door, and I really want to play with them.
  
• Excited growl: I'm FRAPing or wrestling with Michael, and it's so much fun. Look how big and tough I am!
  
• Angry snarl: That pit bull mix is actually trying to hurt me. I'll teach him not to mess with me. **
• Suckle: I'm asleep and dreaming about being a nursing puppy.
• Nearly ultrasonic chirp: You're leaving me home alone at an unexpected time. Don't go!
  
• Howl: A fire truck or ambulance has just passed within 30 meters of me while running its siren, so I'm going to sing along. ***
  

That seems like quite a wide repertoire to me. I bet Newton would do very well on the Doggy Aptitude Test. At least on the verbal section.

* I'm sure I'm leaving out one or two vocalizations.

** I've only ever heard this once. It's not entirely compatible with Newton's persona.

*** I've only heard this twice. Alison, that lucky girl, has heard it thrice.

So Crazy It's Insane

The latest travisty of language to chap my hide is the overuse and dilution of the words "crazy" and "insane." These two words have been used so frequently that the intended exaggeration has evaporated. I now frequently hear and see them used to mean simply "unnecessary" or "excessive."

It's the Penultimate Epicenter of Ignorance

Nick, gun-jumper that he is, spoiled this post in his comment on my inaugural language rant. Indeed his comment was more amusing and succinct than anything I could write, but I'm going ahead and posting it anyway. So there.

I can't count the number of times I've heard or read someone---frequently someone in the media, who should have received some kind of education in the language arts----use "epicenter" to mean simply "center," rather than "the point on the surface directly above the center." Frequently, the word is misused in this way when discussion something other than the physical center or centroid. That distiction doesn't justify the error, however.

I've also heard or seen "penultimate" used to mean simply "ultimate," rather than "next to last," innumerable times.

I can only guess that the speaker or writer feels that a word like "center" or "ultimate" simply isn't as formal or fancy as they'd like. Perhaps, but it is correct.

Going Nucular

For the second in my series of language rants, I've chosen an easy one: the mispronunciation of the word "nuclear" as "nucular." This pronunciation is perhaps most famously used by President Bush, but is also employed but such other luminaries as Homer Simpson. In fact, "nucular" is apparently listed in some dictionaries as a common, pronounciation, though not one that is considered correct by all. This pronunciation makes me feel like going "nuclular," though some linguists would tell me to calm down.

The point is, unless you want to sound like an ignorant bumpkin to many people, don't say "nucular." Just don't.

Litterally a Million Times Worse Than Eating Babies

I find myself frequently irritated by misuses of words or other errors of language. I plan to share a few of them here of this blog. It is my fervent hope that you will be just as annoyed as I.

Perhaps the most common of these errors is the use of the word "literally" followed (or preceded) by an exaggeration. Here are a couple of examples:

The running back literally flew down the field.

I tell you that refrigerator we moved must have weighed a million pounds, literally.

This error makes my blood boil.* Unless the running back stopped in mid-play to board an aircraft and the fridge was loaded with neutronium, these statements just aren't true. If you use "literally" in your sentence, the rest of that sentence must be your best estimate of the actual facts under discussion.

* Note how I didn't preface my hyperbole with "literally." See, it's not that difficult.

Effect an Effect

I've been trying to post a higher percentage of original content, rather than simple links-with-comments, but I can't pass up linking to the latest xkcd comic. As a budding grammar Nazi, I find that this comic effects great amusement.

It's About Style, Man. Style.

I've mentioned before that I think Alison and I have very different writing styles. I can't help but wonder if you agree, gentle reader. So, when you read a post here on ISS, can you immediately determine it's author? I mean, without reading the byline. Your comments are encouraged.

Lisa Bonet Ate No Basil

I consider myself an avid student of language and grammar as well as a fan of "Weird" Al Yankovic, so it's no surprise that I heartily enjoyed this video of his entirely palindromic song, "Bob." Enjoy.

Update: Here's some more Weird Al fun. I haven't seen this one before.

i pwn j00, f00!

I've started writing sh shell scripts at work. How cool am I? I guess I should brush up on my Leet.

The Other Problem with Internet Discussions

Nick has posted about one key problem with internet discussions. Meanwhile I've always contended that the most off-putting aspect of discussions on the innernets is the incredible scarcity of correct grammar, spelling, punctuation, and capitalization, all combined with into coherent sentences. A somewhat less annoying but still rampant issue on the interwebs is unrestrained squee. For example, I just read this on a forum:

God that episode was just *so* good. I mean it was like taking something really good and smearing a whole heap of goodness all over it then cooking it for 50 minutes on gas mark[ed] "good" till it was good.

Sigh.

Game Review: Bookworm Adventures

I'm now completely addicted to Bookworm Adventures. Thanks a lot, Tycho. As Tycho said, it's bassically a Scrabble RPG, and I find it quite entertaining. It's quite satisfying to suddenly pull a long word containing several colored tiles out of what had been a hopeless set of characters only a moment before. Last night, Alison and I were playing together---the game does not support multiple players, as far as I know, but that didn't stop Team Grondul from putting our heads together to vanquish mythological creatures with spelling---and we were each Brian with the overhead projector on several occasions. Overall, I give it 8.0 out of 10.

Let's Name the Cat "Ghloughgheigh"

Caulfield has a point.

Ahoy me hearties!

Arr...it's come to me attention that today be International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I wouldn't want me blog-readin' mateys to miss out on all the festivities. So, click on yonder link to learn yer pirate speak and have yerself a fine day! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.....yarr.

Mr. Period

Given my status as a grammar Nazi, it should come as no surprise that I find these two punctuation-related Penny Arcade strips to be hilarious, if vulgar:

• The Bad Boys of Punctuation
• Mr. Period Returns