Friday, February 12, 2010

Sharktopus? Really?

The SyFy Channel, formerly known as SciFi, will be bringing us another D-grade monster flick. This one's called Sharktopus. No, seriously. Chocolate, meet peanut butter.


  1. Wow, we finally have a rival for "Mansquito" as the worst-ever SyFy Original Movie title.

  2. They are probably trying to figure out where to go next. We should immediately start work on a script for "ApeWorm." Half Western Lowland Gorilla (Gorilla gorilla gorilla, my absolute favorite species trinomen), half tapeworm, all wrong.

    For marketing imagery I'm picturing a goatse-type situation with a long gorilla arm reaching out - maybe giving a rude gesture, maybe just grasping a banana.

  3. Silencius,

    I dont' know if SyFy employs any English PhDs, but they would clearly benefit from hiring you once you finish school.

  4. "ApeWorm" is a movie that is just begging to be reviewed by the Onion. It's a damn shame that the proposed advertising would cause outbreaks of mass public vomiting. (Perhaps that's how ApeWorm spreads from host to host!)

    Other proposals:

    "Tortosloth": This summer, you may pray for a quick death, but it will arrive slowly!

    "Cerbeaglus": Don't let his six big, sad eyes fool you; this is the original dog from hell!

    "Cobroyster": This fanged raw bar delicacy is going to make a meal out of you!

  5. I can only assume that "Tortosloth" is, itself, a painfully slow-paced film.

  6. Nick,

    "Cerbeaglus" is why it is meet and proper that you should have offspring. That's adorable. "ApeWorm" is why I will ultimately be shunned to the outer darkness.

    I think the Tortosloth will move so slowly that it will go backwards in time, the tachyon of cryptids. "Hey, why is the Tortosloth walking away with bloody bits of my sweater in on its shell?" Shortly... "Arghhh!"

    Also, the aphrodisiac properties of Cobroyster must be off the chart, if it doesn't kill you.