Tuesday, May 30, 2006

My All-Star Star Trek Crew

Tim has recently acquired the first season of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine on DVD, so I've been watching the series as well. The last two Trek series (Voyager and Enterprise) and the last two films (Insurrection and Nemesis) were so underwhelming---don't get me started on why---that I had completely forgotten that The Next Generation and DS9 were actually quite good. I'm not sure how to feel about the upcoming eleventh movie.

Anyway, the DVDs got me thinking about whom I would select, from the cast of characters of all the series, as members of a sort of all-star crew for a Trek show. So, here is my list. Please note that I haven't chosen these characters because they are the best at their particular jobs, but because I find them the most entertaining.
  • Captain: Jean-Luc Picard. He's clearly the smartest of the Captains. And he's much less likely to let his libido get the better of him than Kirk is.
  • First Officer: Benjamin Sisko. Yes, he was a first officer, though that was only shown in the first few minutes of DS9. Sisko makes a commanding leader, but I don't think he'd rankle at playing second fiddle. I thought about putting James Kirk in this position, but I just don't think you'd want a Kirk working under you. And you certainly wouldn't want a Kirk wannabe like William Riker.
  • Science Officer, Second Officer: Spock. He's still probably my favorite character from any of the series. Besides---warning: racial profiling follows---you really need a Vulcan at your science station. Just remember to keep your thumb out when performing the Vulcan salute.
  • Tactical Officer, Security Officer: Worf. Despite his pomposity, he's an interesting character. Plus---warning: stereotyping imminent---it's a no-brainer to put a Klingon at Tactical. Just don't leave him unsupervised with all the ship's weapons at his disposal.
  • Chief Operations Officer: Data. I had to include Data or any Trekkies reading this post would hunt me down and kill me.
  • Navigator: Seven of Nine. Despite the naysayers out there, the former Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One was a very compelling character. If she hadn't been oversexualized and hadn't been the central character of so many episodes, I think she would have been better received. She was never a Navigator, but I'm assuming that her experience at Astrometrics prepared her for the position.
  • Conn Officer: Pavel Chekov. I'm mostly including him so he can say things like "nuclear wessels" and explain how all innovations have been Russian, but the mop-top is also a plus. I know, he was actually the Navigator, but I'm sure he can handle the conn.
  • Chief Engineer: Montgomery Scott. You could certainly argue that Geordi La Forge and Miles O'Brien are more skilled engineers, but, if you are putting together an all-star Star Trek crew, you need someone who can say things like "I'm givin' ya all she's got, Cap'n" and "She can't hold together much longer" with a Scottish accent.
  • Chief Medical Officer: Emergency Medical Hologram, Mark I. Certainly The Doctor has some severe limitations as head of medicine, but he was the most interesting character during the first three seasons of Voyager, and he offers interesting storyline options. Plus, his relationship with Seven was very interesting. Just remember to turn him off when you leave Sickbay.
  • Civilian: Quark. Quark is always neck deep in whatever is going on behind the scenes, so he is a great source of storylines.
  • Recurring Character: Elim Garak. Garak is my favorite recurring character from any of the series. He's just so deliciously deceitful.
Please note that there is explicitly no position of Acting Ensign. I've also left out the Counselor position. Further, you'll notice a scarcity of characters from Voyager and a complete lack of ones from Enterprise; I don't think that's a coincidence. Lastly, I seem to have chosen very few women. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe I can work Jadzia Dax in there somehow; with eight lifetimes of experience, I'm sure she could lend a hand.

So, do you agree with this selection? Whom would you select for the All-Trek Team?


  1. Anonymous11:44 AM

    Not a bad selection

    However, there should be more women on this crew. I also think that Spock should be FO. I like Sisko, but wouldn't know where to put him

    Can we make SON captain?

    Looking forward to the JJ Abrams movie

  2. Anonymous12:40 PM

    Captain is Picard; no-brainer
    The first officer is a tougher call; I'd say Riker, just for the fact that he's living proof that there's no forced retirement from Starfleet for failure to advance in rank.
    Science officer is Spock, all the way.
    Medical is Crusher, sans kid. Just say "no" to the faux-folksy Luddite from the original series.
    Ship's shrink goes to Troi, since she was the only one qualified for it on any series.
    Engineering goes to LaForge, since I actually like people who can provide accurate repair time estimates. O'Brien is his assistant; since he's not an officer, he can't be the head of the department.
    The Klingon in Tactical is as obvious and necessary a choice as the Vulcan at science.
    Operations should be Dax, since she's competent, extremely experienced, and, uhh... kinda purty.
    The helm goes to Tom Paris, who's the best pilot of the lot.
    Odo gets security, since shape-changing is the ultimate security feature.
    Janeway, Wesley Crusher, Dr. Pulaski, and Kira Nares will be on the "investigate the strange disappearances on this very, very dangerous planet" team. They will be issued red shirts.
    Kirk, Chakotay, Yar, and Captain Quantum Leap would be kept in cryogenic suspension most of the time, but would be thawed out when people were needed to bust heads and violate the Prime Directive.
    And finally, Data, Seven of Nine, and the Emergency Medical Hologram together will form a crack mostly-machine task force whose principal job is to prevent the holodecks from ever malfunctioning, thus sparing the audience from the festival of super-lazy writing, cliche, and contrivance that is a holodeck episode.

  3. Bill,

    I'm guessing that's you requesting Seven be made Captain.


  4. Nick,

    Thanks for your thorough comment. That's a good team you have there.

    I thought about putting Odo at Security (and having Worf only serve at Tactical) because of his obvious shape-shifting advantage. However, like I said, I chose these characters not for their ability but for their entertainment value. Plus, I think the shapeshifting can lead to lazy writing, since he can escape from/sneak into anything and listen in on any conversation.

    Similarly, Paris is clearly the best pilot, but he always irritated me. And he doesn't say "wessels."

    I really enjoyed your Red-Shirt Squad. Hah! Similarly, your Prime-Directive-Defying Team is a grand idea, though I think it must include Janeway.

    I forgot to mention that my ship will NOT have a holodeck. (I always thought it was more of a holoBAY anyway.)

    Thanks again for your input.


  5. This post makes you a 10/10 ubergeek. Although the lack of precision on "trekkie" vs. "trekker" is concerning.

  6. Tough Crowd. Caution -- I answered this without thought to comic relief. Also, it would depend on the ship’s mission. I omit a navigator, because this crew is not for deep space exploration. It is for fast tactical response, diplomatic/espionage, fleet command, and general missions. But here is my opinion:

    Captain: Picard. When I was in the military I would have given anything to have served under a captain as enlightened and competent as he was written.

    First Officer: Worf. I know. Worf? But his development as written through DS9 was amazing. He was essentially acting as Martok's second in command through the Dominion War, and displayed adeptness in leading mixed race crews. He was tough, but fair, and would complement Picard very well. Plus, the first officer tends to be in charge of ground combat operations. Have bat’leth, will travel…

    Science: Spock -- no need to say more

    Engineering: Laforge -- I agree with previous comments about repair estimates

    Ops: Data

    Helm: Sulu

    Medical: Bashir -- yes he was a bit adolescent, but as written I think he was arguably the most competent.

    Tactical: Kira – She is very cagey, and has a lot of experience thinking outside the box to solve difficult tactical problems.

    Intelligence: (New position) Elim Garrick

    Supply: Nog – when you absolutely positively have to have the phaser emitter by the end of the week…

    Councilor: Ezri Dax. Someone mentioned Troi’s qualifications, but as I recall in the episode she lost her empathic ability she was a complete failure. This really chalked her up as generally incompetent in my book. As written Ezri had honest insight into how to help people, and with several lifetimes of experience would probably be outstanding.

    Bartender: Guynan. I loved quark, but anyone who sticks a fork through Q’s hand gets mad props from me…

  7. jdevale,

    Good suggestions. I like your idea of stationing Nog as quartermaster. Not only can he get you the parts you need, but if you somehow end up with an extra gross of stem bolts, he can probably barter them into a new starship sculpture for the Captain's ready room.

    Creating a new position to exploit Garak's unique talents is also inspired.